What do you mean by learn shibari?
“How can I learn shibari?” or “Where can I learn shibari?” are the most common questions I see on forums like Fetlife from those wanting to find tutorials in this style Japanese rope bondage. Unfortunately, although it might seem like a reasonable question, it can lead to very varied answers since ‘shibari’ is a very generic term, literally meaning ‘tying’ in Japanese. It’s like asking “Where can I learn to dance?” without specifying the style. If you have Googled articles explaining ‘What it shibari?’, you are probably already becoming aware of these disparate perspectives. There’s no point in learning classical ballet if you want to dance traditional Irish jigs or go wild in a heavy metal mosh pit.
Shibari means so many things to different people. Consequently, the answers given will depend on what the respondents consider to be shibari. This could range from Two Knotty Boys, who tie in an unique style heavily influenced by western rope bondage, to Osada Steve or any other high profile kinbakushi from Japan. These styles of tying are as different as chalk and cheese.
The first step is to do some research. Google ‘shibari‘ and, also, ‘kinbaku‘. See what appeals to you, not just visually but also in philosophical terms. Shibari and kinbaku are, broadly speaking, the same thing, although some might argue that the former is “just tying” and the latter must entail connection. Don’t worry about the terms for now as they overlap and there is little consensus.
Once you have worked out whose style rocks your boat, you can then ask “How can I learn to tie like X?”. That is a much easier question to answer. Hopefully, it will produce resources that achieve that purpose and not waste your time by barking up the wrong tree. In this video, I have tried to give an unbiased answer to the question: ‘What is shibari?‘. Of course, it’s from my perspective, which is coloured by a lot of exposure to Japanese masters. At the end of the day, it’s all about what works for you and your partner.
American vs Japanese shibari
In my observation, America seems to have its own home-grown interpretations of shibari. Until recently when Japanese masters began to teach there, most of the prominent names seemed to be working in a fusion of western bondage and Japanese styles. What I call ‘American shibari’ appears to include a lot more Celtic style knots and symmetrical weaving. The favoured rope is typically hemp or synthetic. Ties can often be decorative, e.g. rope corsets, or preparation for sex or SM play.

In Japan, the aesthetic is very different, with natural jute being the usual medium, and the emphasis is more on the connection with the person being tied. It is much more about how make the rope feel and how you play with the emotions of your partner. A first step will generally involve restraint of the hands and positions tend to be more elegant with either a focus on constriction or, more often, exposure.

What shibari books should I buy?
If you want to learn connective shibari, rather than just pretty patterns, I feel books miss the main point of shibari. It is hard to learn more than the steps of a pattern from a book. You need to see how the tie is applied and the interaction with the rope bottom. This can only be adequately shown in person at a shibari class or in a video tutorial. This is the real secret that is so often missed when people teach shibari. Without these elements, the whole process can lack passion and feeling.
Like good sex, shibari isn’t about following a series of prescribed steps and expecting escstasy. Learning every position in the Kama Sutra won’t make you an excellent lover, nor will learning dozens of patterns make you a shibari expert. As with great sex, it’s all about how you do it and how well you read your partner’s desires. As I like to say, it’s not just about knots. You are tying people, not parcels.
That said, I must thank Midori for her book, ‘The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage‘, as it was the first to mention the connective aspect. Of course, I think I learned more about the ‘how’ from her workshop which attended around 20 years ago. It was this that made me aware that there was a lot more to shibari than restraint and replicating ties.
In summary, tying mechanically, without feeling, is like a beatiful poem read in a robotic text to speech app. It misses nuances in volume, emphasis, punctuation and tone, so loacks feeling. Good rope has its equivalents: Speed, tension, timing and the energy the rigger projects. These elements are the ‘how’ of how you do it.
What about learning shibari from YouTube?
There are certainly hundreds of free bondage tutorials on YouTube and other sites. The vast majority are step by step demonstrations of shibari ties; monkey see, monkey do at the most basic level. As a beginner, you will have no idea whether you are looking at a good bondage tutorial or a bad one. It could look good but technically be a disaster or downright dangerous. Why pick bad habits that you will need to unlearn or put your partner at risk?
If you get lucky and find a competent ‘How to learn shibari’, you will discover that very few teach the nuances of rope handling and how to move your partner. Without these skills, your tying can be as unerotic as the fumblings of a virgin. Playing a violin is more than just scraping the bow across the strings, it is all about how you do it. The same can be said of shibari. The rope needs to become an extension of your hands and intent.
Another common omission from online tutorials is the all-important ‘why’. Why is a particular tie engineered the way it is? As with constructing anything, there’s a right and a wrong way, a way that works and some that don’t. There are some very simple rules which make your ropework effective, efficient and beautiful. Once you know them, it becomes very easy and logical. What’s more, you learn to be creative and to spot safety issues.
How we teach at ShibariClasses
If you have decided you want to learn styles based on those of the masters of Japan and to really understand how to connect deeply with your partner, ShibariClasses is for you. We use an unique ‘ingredients-based’ approach which shows you how to us a few simple ingredients, i.e. knots, wraps and frictions, to build any tie. We make the seemingly complex logical.
You can see in the short trailer below from ‘Competent Shibari: Cross-legged tie‘ what I meant by creating efficient and effective ties using simple ingredients. In this example, we breakdown a tie from a well-known book and create our own much more functional and beautiful versions. As you will see, not all shibari tutorials are equal.
Most importantly, from ShibariClasses tutorials, you will learn the little tricks and nuances that make the rope a tool of communication that will whisk your partner into sub-space. These are techniques learned from thousands of hours of practice and from some of Japan’s most revered rope masters, including the grand-master of floor-work, Yukimura Haruki. The efficacy of Yukimura’s ‘caressing style’ (aibunawa) of rope is legendary. It is unlikely you will find this depth of knowledge elsewhere, other than in very expensive specialised kinbaku workshops or personal tuition in Japan.
Our tutorials give you all this for a very affordable price. Are you ready to start this journey?